When will my life begin?!!

What is it inside of a girl that makes her tear up and think " I Want that" when she sees her friends announcing a baby? I am so ever happy for my dear friends who are expecting. I just cant help sitting here wishing I was in the same boat. I feel ready to get married be a wife and then a mother, but the lord must not think I am ready for that yet, but oh how i love the thought of settling down and starting a family. Oh don't for a moment think that it does not scare me cause it does. I mean I am fearful just to fall in love again let alone marry and have lil Bellahs. There is always that chance that I wont know  what I am doing when it comes to raising a family. I mean I still ask my mom about how to do the simplest of things at times. I have never paid rent other than dorms. I have not had to worry about bills or really even being in a long lasting relationship. I find it amazing when a friend stays by my side, how will it be to forever have some one by my side that loves me and will never leave. I just know that I want to be married and its not a feeling that is going to go away. It is always on my mind, perhaps I have just gone crazy haha. If so what is normal?
Well now that I have gone on and on about that I know what is in need before I can move on to that. I need to start dating so that I may meet that young man who is going to sweep me off my feet and marry me. That is the hard part finding a guy willing to chase me. I don't mean to run, its just I fear I will fall for them and they will only see me as "just that one girl" or " just a friend" and then when a guy seems to like me I still cant let my self just give in, I like freak out or some thing and want to hide. If there is no guy that wont give  up when I end up abit hard to get then I am doomed to be, not the cat or dog lady, But the plant or herb lady. I will forever be growing my herbs and roses and bamboo. The might as well call me a greenwitch. Sigh.
I have been doing better about going on dates, after a year of not going on one date I went on another date with Sam to the snow homecoming. Funny thing is the last date before that date with him was with him almost a year ago to the day. Sigh perhaps that's not so funny but more on the lines of pathetic. Tho I did kinda go on another ( I think I can call it a date) Date with Sam later that week, at least we hung out one on one and got to know each other slightly better. Than I think I went on a date the other day. Well Ya It was a Date, My friend Kendra set us up and it went quite well, i think haha. He talked to me on the phone before I went on my trip and had asked if I wanted to go get lunch with him or something and well when I got back I sent him a text to let him know I was back and he set up a time for us to go get an ice cream. We talked and seemed to get along just fine. And I think by him asking me if I liked movies and then saying we would have to go to a movie some time he was setting up a 2nd date. I am so naive when it comes to dating. I have only had like friends who decide "oh lets be girlfriend boyfriend" or " Follow me around til I give in and say I will date them and then the next thing I know we are boyfriend and girlfriend" I guess I have never had some one set up a 2nd date with me before... just hung out with me til we became close enough to say we are dating. Its Kinda nice tho. Its mature and not so wishy washy games. Not a guy just dating you so he can say you are his girlfriend. No don't get me wrong I am not dating any one right now not in a steady way! so no one start going around saying so. I will tell you If I ever get into a steady relationship. ( That is if I don't die of shock before I can tell any one since by the rate it has been going for the last .... Year and a half... I cant believe its been that long already) ( hope you can make since out of that cause I barely can.
I really can not believe its been a year and a half. It has felt so short and so long all together. Time is such a funny thing. And yes it still hurts but you know what I am doing good, I am dating again! That is big to me!
Perhaps that is the reason I am so afraid of falling in love and marriage, Because I fear losing it again. Could I live through that again?... I want it so bad, but I don't want to lose it. Is that selfish of me? Other girls get to find love get married, have children and spend the rest of their lives raising children so is it selfish of me to want the same? I don't think it is. I am not asking to be married to no wealthy drop dead handsome guy, an average guy will be just fine for me.
Well here I am rattling on like I have all the time in the world when I need to wake up early and my battery is low with the plug in the other room. Hope some one can make abit of since out of my ramblings and perhaps even learn some thing from them.