There is still hope.

 
I have money saved up. Not much but enough to get me back started in college.  I have filled out some Fasfa forms and a few college Apps.  By spring semester U should be back where I belong. I don't care if I can only afford to take one class and spend the rest of my time working part time just to feed my self day by day. At least I will be where the hope is. The hope for life to lead me some where amazing. I think I will end up at Dixie Stat college since so far it has the cheapest enrollment. I told my self I would never go to Dixie. But Now I am sooo Willing as long as I get away.
God Does not want me to be unhappy, He does not mean for me to be trapped here. He just needed me here for some time... For some odd Still unknown Reason .
Even when there seems to be no hope left... We still have Gods love.
I always have hope Because I believe Love comes to those that still hope even when all has betrayed them, love comes to those who still love when they have been hurt many times before. I will love and I will hope till Time runs out.

I Hope because it is all I know how to do.

you just have to kiss alot of frogs before you find the prince.

I must be over tired I just jumped topics all together. night

two different lifes

Have you ever felt that you have stepped out of one life into another?
I have. I have felt that to the max twice. the first time was when I left home and went to camp to work. Before  I did not think much of my self infact I was a gnat to my self, I was the one who hated my self the most,  I never thought I would be good for any thing really. Then at camp I saw I was good with Children. I felt like every Campers Favorite counselor. So many looked up to me, I was funny,out going, sweet, beautiful and loved in their eyes.  Infact If you asked one group of girls I had They would have even said I was their Indian Princess and they my warriors . haha  I learned to be me.


\

Counselor Bellah In her work clothes
Yes yes and Very Blond this one was taken at the end of my first year of camp
Lots of sun!!!! 

When I started college I thought I had left the life I had just entered but I was wrong. I was still Bellah from Camp. I realized I had a chance to be who I wanted. Instantly me and my roommate became friends, I started making friends dating and I found out how to be with those my own age. Boys paid attention to me!! I was not a Gnat! I was a butterfly!!! I knew my Beauty. 

I was fun and out going always up for card games.

I was free.

I did things just because I could Like chopping all my hair off

I dated
     
 
I went Dancing
I had Friends

And we had soo much fun

Crazy but fun

For two Years it was like that. I got used to it, it was my life. And then It happened again. I stepped out of that life. I stepped out of that life and back to the old one. I hadd been used to life before I knew the wonders that there was in all those lovely things like dating and having more than one group of friends that I could hang out with at any given moment. And now I realize that the horrible nightmare I called High school was keeping me going all those years. At least when I had to go to school there was the hope of " Oh maybe today some one will Invite me to hang out" or " Perhaps some one will sit on me again" ( yes did happen) or " Maybe today I will finally be seen for who I am" At least there was some thing to life. Some thing more than what I have now. Now I lay in bed most of the day knowing I should go out and find me another job but fearing that because then it links me to this town. This town where I feel so ever trapped already. Knowing that my Family all thinks I am suffering from Depression when I am not. They think this because there is nothing for a young single woman to do in this town other than look up colleges online hoping that in the near future she can leave this town and only come back to visit when missing her family. Hope for her college friends to get on line for one minute so she can talk to them because she misses them like she would miss a hand or leg. Just to see that one of her friends posted some thing on her face book because it tells her that they have not forgotten her. What girl in my place would not do the same thing? Yeah I know that I have kinda gone crazy, I have every outfit for every day planned out for my trip to Snow that I am taking in 31 days. I dream about it every night, Day dream about it all the time. And it is Also another reason I have not tried to get another Job yet. Well there is the whole thing that there is no jobs in Kanab and then there is the fact that I will be taking Almost two weeks off to escape this place and I do not want any reason to rush back here. I want to be free as I can be of this town. 

Never alone

"A teenage girl about 17 had gone to visit some friends 1 nite & time passed quickly as each shared stories of the past year. She ended up stayin' longer than planned & had to walk home alone. She wasnt afraid because it was a small town & she lived only a few blocks away. As she walked along under the elm trees Diane asked God to keep her safe from harm or danger. When she reached the alley which was a short cut to her house she decided to take it. However halfway down the alley she noticed a man standing at the end as though he was waiting for her. She became uneasy & began to pray asking for God's protection. Instantly a comforting feeling of quietness & security wrapped around her. When she reached the end of the alley she walked right passed the man & arrived home safely. The following day she read in the newspaper that a young girl had been raped in the same alley just 20 mins. after she had been there. Feeling overwhelmed by this tragedy & the fact that it could have been her she began to weep. Thanking the Lord for her safety & to help this young woman she decided to go to the police station. She felt she could recognize the man so she told them her story. The police asked her if she would be willing to look at a line up to see if she could identify him. She agreed & immediately pointed out the man she had seen in the alley the night before. When the man was told that he had been identifiedhe immediately broke down & confessed. The officer thanked Diane for her bravery & asked her if there was anything they could do for her. She asked if they would ask the man 1 question. Diane was curious as to why he did not attack her. When the police asked him he answered "Because she wasn't alone, she had two tall men walking on either side of her." Amazingly whether u believe or not, ur never alone." by ~ Unknown

I Believe that we are never alone, though we may feel that we have no one, we are not alone. We have a Heavenly Father that loves each of us so much. Father, that is what we call him. Does a good father leave his child alone in an unknown area. Well Our Father will not leave us alone in an unknown situation. 

"An atheist was seated next to a young girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?" " Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly. "OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?" The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death, when you don't know crap?" And then  went back to reading her book." By ~ Unknown 

No one can tell me there is no God. I can no more tell you the taste of salt than why I know there is a God. Just to look at a setting sun or a blooming rose you can see Gods love for us. He must be real for His love embraces us every step of the way. He sees all shethat we do and has sent his sun to take our hands and help us through the hardest parts. He is there, we are his and no one and nothing can make me believe other wise.

Lil tidbits about me

If I run across a penny  on the ground and it is tails up I flip over to make it lucky for the next person to find.










I start listening to Christmas music at the beginning of Sept.






Some nights I will actually brush my hair 100 times. haha not out of being vain but i like to make it shiny and some times its just feels good.

If I like a book I will read it over and over again, it drives people crazy!












I wish on the first star I see at night even tho I know that the first stars seen are said to be planets.


No matter how old I am I will always love swinging.

Love this picture!

Groom dragging bride

Looking at that wedding cake topper I realize Mine will not be the bride dragging the groom haha It will be the Groom dragging the Bride.

More like this!
lol

I am guessing that my Groom will make sure I am in high heels so that I cant run as fast or make sure my dress has a nice train that he can stand on. 

Its not that I don't want to get married. Really its not .. its just that I will be harder to get to marry than most girls. I am not the type that will be dragging my groom he will be dragging me. 

Haha or perhaps I will end up with this one 

Wedding Rehearsal~ By Unknown

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the minister with an unusual offer. "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out."

He passed the minister the cash and walked away satisfied.
...
The wedding day arrives, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the minister looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."

The groom leaned toward the minister and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."

The minister put the $100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."

Pencil~ by unknown

A pencil maker told the pencil 5
important lessons just before putting it
in the box:
1.) Everything you do will always leave a mark.
2.) You can always correct the mistake you make.
3.) What is important is what is inside of you.
4.) In life, you will undergo painful sharpenings, which will only make you better.
5.) To be the best pencil, you must allow yourself to be held and guided by the hand that holds you.

We all need to be constantly sharpened.

This parable may encourage you to know that you are

a special person, with unique God-given talents and

abilities. Only  you can fulfill the purpose which you 

were born to accomplish. Never allow yourself to get

discouraged and think that your life is insignificant and

cannot be changed. And,like the pencil, always

remember that the most important part of who you are,

is what's inside of you and then allow yourself to be

guided by the hand of God.

The dating game/ False Beauty

The perfect outfits,‭ ‬make-up,‭ ‬hair style to catch his eye,‭ ‬the way to smile,‭ ‬walk and talk.‭ ‬How you just happen to just stop by or be in the same place at the same time.‭ ‬What to do and what not to do.‭ ‬These‭ ‬all‭ ‬being‭ ‬silly little tricks to make him ‬fall for you.‭ ‬It‭’‬s all mind boggling! I mean How silly is it to go to the gym work out for hours just to appear at his place with a sweaty work out look! I mean one its a lie right off! I hate Gyms all that sweat pouring off people getting on the tools that I am now touching, I have the strongest desire to attack every bit of the work out room with disinfectant wipes. Then after that I would rather be dancing up a sweat in a empty Gym to some random playlist than be watched by many eyes as I struggle to lift weights and pretend that I enjoy a nice torture. Plus I thought when you are trying to impress a guy you look your best not red in the face and sweaty. Not to mention some strangers sweat was most likely mingled with mine because I touched nasty work out room objects.
Then there is the whole pretending to like sports or what ever the guy likes. Just because he likes it does not mean you have to like it, so what if you are slightly different? Different is good I would hate some one just like me. So boring!
Then there is the whole Big make over just to go over and see some guy. I had this friend that spent an hour on my hair for me to just go over and watch a movie with a guy that I had just met, then she spent  thirty minutes just making my make up look good, after looking in the mirror I did not even look like me. Seeing how the guy looked at me all dressed up well made me wonder would he like me with out this layer of make up hiding me. I also wondered if the hairspray that she pasted my hair down with would fumigate every one in the room.
The other thing that confuses me so is acting so .. fake. I had a friend tell me as I was starting to like a guy that I should be very proper and not do any thing crazy. Well later that night I got scolded for starting a leaf fight with the guy and giggling till i could not breathe. Some said I had ruined my chance with the guy by acting like a fool. I actually think that I my self would be more likely to fall for some one goofing off and showing that they are a fun loving person that shows me who they really are not some silly fake.
If a guy can not love you when you may have a zit on your forehead or you are not the perfect slim thing than how can they love you when your skin starts to sag, your memory slips, your hair thins and your hips grow wide?
Girls need to stop trying to change themselves. I mean even I do it don't get me wrong, but why? You can not fake who you are forever. If you end up falling in love with the guy and it leads to marriage then some how you will end up having your husband not even knowing who you really are. I am even talking about the little things like saying um you like pizza, when really you hate pizza then later in your life he takes you out for a romantic dinner for some thing he thinks you both enjoy and then there's the Pizza a lie staring you in the face.
So I am not good at the Dating Game. They better love me for who I am.

Every one looks at these so called beauties that dont even exist. And if there is some one out there that has skin with out freckles or zits, what if she has flowing long hair that shines in the sunlight. So what if you are a Size 14 and she is Size 4( Just sit on her and she will be dust lol). Who Cares? If the whole world was blind would you care if you had matching socks on? Well why match to some one else? Different is good. would you want to be fed only one food for the rest of your life? That would become bland.

When I was in Highschool I felt like a gnat among butterflies. To me their bright colorful wings hid me the small lil bug in the crowd. The "Butterflies" would stare at me. I could not even bring my self to look them in the eyes. Just hearing my name spoke in the halls made me want to run because I thought they must be laughing at me. It was not until years later that I saw me. I was Beautiful. I did not see it and they did not see it. But it was I that was the Butterfly while they the gnats only pretended to be, I was a Daughter of a King, beauty beyond words. So many do not see their Beauty. Even I can not see past the lies to my own beauty. I some times wish that some one would come up and yell at me in those times.
Like Eddie did. At a dance once I was alone as all my friends were on dates. I stood there dressed up but feeling like the ugly duckling when Eddie asked me to dance. He asked why I was not out dancing with every one else and I just shook my head when he looked me right in the eyes and said sternly Some thing along the lines of "you are one of the most beautiful here and any man should be and would be greatly honored to have you dance even a moment with them" I remember just staring at him. One because it was almost like he was mad at me and the other because not many have said that to me.
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.. you don't spend every moment looking in a looking glass so you are not the Beholder... They see you as Beautiful now make your eyes see the same.

Me Make up free 

My favorite Things

Color...Green or Red.. It changes alot.
Store... Dollar tree. CHEAP
Music... Any thing really, as long as it is clean and not rap or screamo.
Flower... Roses! and Lily's but mostly roses!
Animal... Dove or any birds, I want to fly like them.
Soda... Raspberry Cream
School Subject... English
Hobby... Out of all of mine.. Singing
Ice Cream... Any I love Ice Cream
Item of clothing... My cloaks
Accent... Australian
Eye color... Green or blue
Hair color... Dark
Fruit... Pineapple, Mango, and pomegranate
Season... Fall or Spring
Month... Dec.
Chocolate... Utah truffles
Tv Shows... Bones, Dr who, Castle and Criminal minds.

Some of my writings, Newish and old.... mostly old lots of Unfinished

Fog
Fog blankets the ground in the dim of the last of the night. A lake lays hidden by the thick fog making land and water appear unison. The fog curls around age darkened tree trunks and chokes out the small plant life at foot. Silence as thick as the fog masking the land lingers in the last of the night air. Churning the fog lifts revealing the dark waters of the lake. Light escapes from the sky as the first of dawn arrives. The fog takes flight into the air, light overtaking it leaving it a mere mist. A light breeze intrudes on the silence and sends ghostly mist figures dancing casually across the smooth lake top. The water mirrors the graceful figures as the float to the rose-grey sky. Dawn captures the last of night sending golden rays of light to freely play at the water’s surface. So clear is the air that shimmers of light floating on a breeze can almost be seen. Day is near as mischievous wisps of wind spin sun’s first light into the once dark waters.

Fed to the beast

Her bare feet hit a steady beat as she ran down the forest path. Her charcoal hair flew out behind her like a grand opera cloak. Shouts echoed behind her. Searching the shadows, fear of not finding him in time choked her heart.
“Father! Father! Please!”  They were advancing on her.  The torch light of the mob felt hot on her skin.  Tears began waterfall over her eyelashes cascading down her cheeks, leaving dark splotches on the green of her gown. “Father!” She screamed as a strong arm wrapped around her waist jerking into the soft of her abdominal causing all air to escape her body.

“I’ve got her!” Pain churned as she gasped again for air. Lights spun in her vision and her eyes begun to focus on the faces of town folk she had been in the care of as her father worked long weeks cutting wood. The warmth of poisoning finger tips caressed the milk-white skin of her cheek. “A woman as you will bring much warmth to the beast’s bed, If he decides not to devour you.” The harsh laugh hurt more than the ropes that burnt into her skin as they bound her. Her teeth lashed for his fingers. “ Now, Now little flower! No need for hatred.” She twisted to spit in his face.

 “You viper! When my father comes for me you will all pay.” She swung to face the others, anger raged in her eyes. Hands of many reached for her. She hissed in pain as some ones sharp nails dug into the tender of her inner-elbow. Sharp agony hit above her left ear. She fell, and then all went black.





She sat under the shade of a tree with wonderful smelling flowers she did not know the name of. The petals floated from the branches to whisk away on the breeze towards a tower blocking out the suns beams.  She softly smiled and stood as she always did without a known reason and began to run towards the tower, Joy embracing every inch of her. She knew what would happen, he would be there, that presence, felt, but never seen. The same as every night she dragged her hand across vines and touched the low hanging branches with the tips of her fingers as she ran. It was the same as she had seen every night, but tonight there was something new. She could not quite figure it out. There was a feeling of almost urgency as she ran. A cold raindrop collided with her cheek. She came to a stop and looked up at the azure sky in confusion. There was not even a wisp of cloud to in sight. Of course this was not the real world, but a dream.

Her eyes flew open, blind night was upon her. She struggled to adjust her eyes all she could make out were shadows. She was bound to a tree in the middle of a small clearing. Cold rain caused her gown to cling to her body. There was something there, watching her. Fear surged thru her as she pulled franticly at the ropes. Sharp shards of bark cut into her arms. She sobbed.  Her tears mingling in icy drops of rain, pure fear curled in her stomach making her ill.

His eyes could not leave her face. He had seen when they dragged her there. She was so pale and limp she looked dead. The scent of blood from a gash above her left ear and the fresh cuts on her arms and wrists caused a deep hunger. A hunger only a beast could hold. When she woke her tears called to him more than the blood. He wished to take her in his arms, protect her. It had been so long since he had seen any human so close. He had fed only on the blood of life stock that generations of villagers had given him to plead for their own lives. He had known that this year life stock had been sparse, but he did not think they would offer up a woman. He did not know what to do with her. Use her to feel his hunger, or his loneliness? He feared if he did take her as a relief from solitude, could he withstand the hunger? So long had he read of romances, but never had he felt it. Something about her drew him to her be it a magic only found in books or his inhuman desire for her blood.

She could feel him there, it was as if she was in her dream again, but this time there was fear not joy. There was movement to the right of her. She jerked slamming her head against the tree. The beast was nearing her; she could see the darkened figure near. Her heart pound filling her ears with the sound of rushing blood. The shadowed form appeared within arm’s reach of her. She fought to keep her eyes on him but her body wilted into a faint.


Storm
 Standing on the cliff edge Samantha stared down to the crashing waves below. Blue skies above told of a nice day that could come, but she knew all too well that a storm would again embrace this land before night fall. The wind churned around her sending yards of cloth floating out behind her. She closed her eyes and could almost imagine she was a part of the silk gown in the grasp of the soaring wind.
Samantha felt him there before he made a sound. She turned letting her midnight hair dance across her cheek and before her eyes. He stood 20 feet behind her his eyes wide at the sight. No doubt he wanted to pull her from the danger he imagined her in and drag her back to the sitting room to stick her fingers with needle work. Like he would ever get the nerve to take another step towards her let alone close enough to grab her.

“If you were worried about me Jeffery, you could have just sent the butler after me.” She turned back to the sea. Jeffery Colm was a man of fine upbringing who lived under the thumb of his great aunt. Samantha’s family had always been great friends to his aunt pass the day they had died and Samantha was almost sent away to a girl’s factory. Jeffery’s Aunt had taken her in and forced her to become a lady. Samantha knew she owed this family everything, but she felt trapped by the adoring eyes of sniffling Jeffery and the stern hand of her guardian.

“Aunt wants a word with you Samantha dear.” He mumbled softly looking at his feet. A small pout formed on her lips. Facing him she hoped he would let her get away with not obeying. She smiled as his face curled into a grimace. He had to be caving. “Come.” He held his hand out the way she had seen others show him how to take control. He was not a man but a cowardly boy. Heat rushed to her face as clouds formed behind her and the layers of silk bellowed towards him. How stupid he must be to think she would obey him like all other women did when a man barked an order. She glared across the soil between them.

“If you wish to command me, come claim me.” Again he would not dare take another step, not in fear of her but the fear of the entire world around her. Dark clouds charged across the waters towards the cliff. Jeffery went the color of sea mist, his eyes wide. He still had one hand outstretched, as he slid one foot across the ground towards her. She stared in pure amazement as he took one more step.

“come.” It came as more of a plea this time. Another step was taken she could see it was taking all his will to make him walk forward.

Samantha stepped back; He was really going to come get her. She could feel the edge of the cliff below her now. She looked at her feet below the water crashed turning dark.

Part of my Bucket list

~Ice skating

~go to a Fancy Ball

~Sing on Broadway 

~Visit England 

~travel to all the temples in the US

~Marry in my favorite temple

~Have a home of my own

~own some horses 

~skip rocks on a pond

~publish a book 

~Stand in two places at once

~Touch some ones life for the good

~learn to play the Piano

~Have children and raise them in the church

A Friend in the definition of Bellah

Friend

"1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.

2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.

3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.

4. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement."

Well this is what a practical dictionary would say, but as for me and myself we have different definitions for this term.

 

1. True Friends 

 A. A brother or sister that was with us in heaven before and we could not let the other be alone in this test we are in now.

B. Some one in  whom we can trust with all our hearts. True Friendship is perhaps the only relationship that will survive the trials and tribulations of time and remains unconditional.

C.A Unique blend of affection, loyalty, love. respect , trust, and loads and loads of fun. 

D. Tells you the out most truth even if you may not want to hear it, But you know that it is from their heart.

E. Some one that looks from the inside out and does not judge by a glance, a true friend will stick by you as you take a stance.

2. Best friend

A. Every thing a true friend but much more. 

B. Always by your side even  if it means facing their own fears like;

     ~ Killing spiders that that they are both afraid of.

     ~ Chasing away guys that are just plain creepy.

     ~ Telling you the truth even if they know you will be mad at them and they have no Idea if you will forgive them.

C.  Knows you in and out, some times better than you know your self. 

D. You both say the same things, laugh at the say things, love the same things.

     They can look at each other and know what the other is thinking.

E. Miles can not separate them, Differences do not separate them, fights will not even part them. they are inseparable. 

~An Always Friend

Is my own term and means usually that as soon as I met the person I knew that we would be friends til the end. A lot of friendships fade and become part of the past. But An Always friend is a friendship that never fades, you are forever friends even when apart. It means that ten years down the road you still talk you still are good friends. All your lives you will be friends.

A friend to me is Forever. I don't care what happens. Once a friend always a friend. Many that know me have heard me say this over and over again. God gave me a big heart to place every one in. Big enough to get lost in because once you enter my heart you will never leave, ever. I don't care if you Call me names, back stab me, even tear down my world a friend to me is always in my heart even if the love is not returned. I have had people that gain my trust my friendship only to hurt me and even after they took aim and I fell I still to this day can look them in the eye and say I love you, You are my friend. That is the big difference to me. I have uncountable amount of friends, many true friends and a few best friends. None one them will ever leave my heart. Some say I am stupid for this because even after being torn apart by some one that I thought was a true friend, he returned and apologized and was still a friend, I could not truly wish any harm to him, only a blessing be sent his way. 

Random Questions and Answers

1) Are your parents married or divorced?
Married 

2) Are you a vegetarian?
No but I rather eat Vegies 

3) Do you believe in Heaven?
Yes with all my heart

4) Have you ever come close to dying?
Yes

5) What jewelery do you wear daily?
My CTR ring, A charm Bracelet with charms that each have a meaning behind them, an Eagle Necklace of my fathers than means alot to me.

7) Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
Yes I love them

8) Who is your hair stylist?
haha no one. Well I mean if I ever get my hair dyed or Cut I go to my close friend.

9) Ever have any surgery? If so, what?
Many, um stomach surgery for removing a birthmark and also for some odd sickness one time, um and others like tubes in ears and stuff.

10) Do you color your hair?
Yes I tried to go back to my old color but learnt that my roots now come in way dark 

11) What do you wear to bed?
PJs lol I mean lets see like oversized Ts and huge cotton pants. 

12) Have you ever done anything illegal?
nope 

13) Can you roll your tongue?
no

14) Electric razor or blade?
Blade

15) What kind of shoes usually?
none lol I love to go barefooted but then when I have to wear shoes I like light weight like ballet flats.

16) 

17) What is your natural hair color (do you even remember?)
Blonde

18) Future child’s name?
Well I really like names that have meaning behind them, like Hope and Faith. I also like the name Molly. For boys I like strong names.

19) Do you snore?
you know it is really funny I do not snore but some times if I am deep asleep and just about to wake up I will snore one snore and jerk awake like the sound woke me. 

20) If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?
England or disney world

21) Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
um I have this bear that I have had since I was 3. her name is rosey and when I am upset, yes I sleep with her.

22) If you won the lottery, what would you do first?
at the moment Pay for my schooling or Buy a home for my family.

23) Gold or platinum/white gold?
silver?

24) Hamburger or hot dog?
Ew hotdogs ( unless it is a chili dog) I rather a hamburger. 

25) If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
there is no food that I would be happy with all my life. 

26) City, beach or country?
Country but close enough for me to socialize 

27) What was the last thing you touched?
other than my keyboard, the pillow I am holding in my lap.

28) Where did you eat last?
walking through the house 

29) When’s the last time you cried?
Not willing to say 

30) Do you read blogs?
My friends and a few others. 

31) Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
um that is not a big thing for a girl to do I mean I could where some jeans and a t-shirt and pull on a old Ball cap and be dressed like a guy.

32) Ever been involved with the police?
not for any thing bad 

33) What’s your favorite shampoo and soap?
I change Shampoo alot it is said that its healthier for your hair and for soap I like a good smelling moisturizer 

34) Do you talk in your sleep?
No I hum in my sleep lol 

35) Ocean or pool?
Pool never seen the Ocean and well I am slightly afraid of water for some odd unknown reason

38) Window seat or aisle?
for what? I like being by windows. Often I will sit by my bedroom window as I type or read. When traveling I will fight to the death for the window seat. 

39) Ever met anyone famous?
Ya a few

40) Do you feel that you’ve had a truly successful life?
My life is still new. 

41) Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
I cut it up tho I am kinda proud to say that I have learnt how to twirl it and I slurped one last semester! 

42) Ricki Lake or Oprah Winfrey?
huh? oh Tv stuff No clue 

43) Basketball or Football?
neither, I am not big on sports, I only watch sports when some one I care about is playing.

44) How long do your showers last?
I worked at a Camp for a while and learnt to take fast showers

45) Automatic or stick shift?
automatic 

46) Cake or ice cream?
Ice cream Adore ice cream! 

47) Are you self-conscious?
Yes!

48) Have you ever drunk so much you threw up?
I do Not drink alcohol but one time at College as playing a card game I drank a ton of water to the point I did throw up. 

49) Have you ever given money to a beggar?
Yes

50) Have you been in love?
Yeah

51) Where do you wish you were?
Snow college, any where with my friends. 

52) Do you wear socks with your shoes?
if required with the shoe yes

53) Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
Ye 

54) Can you tango?
I think so.. haha I have been taught many dances I am a good follower. 

55) Last gift you received?
Feathers for my hair 

56) Last sport you played?
Tried to learn how to skate

57) Things you spend a lot of money on?
um i duuno.. school

58) Where do you live?
utah lol

59) Where were you born?
St. George Utah

60) Last wedding attended?
My friend Cortni's

63) Most hated food(s)?
Lima beans! 

64) What’s your favorite food?
Sea food

65) Can you sing?
Yeah, opera

66) Last person you instant messaged?

My dear friend Dori

67) Last place you went on holiday?
Vacation! Ha.. lets see... Vegas a year or so ago 

68) Favorite regular drink?
Water or green Water

69) Have you ever been Hypnotized ?

Yes but when they tried to get me to fall into my boyfriends arms behind me my strong will came out and I refused not having faith in my Boyfriend

70) Current Song?

Not listening to music I am watching Bones 

71) Where you named after any one?

Yes my Moms Best friend Rebecca. I am Rebekah.

72) Do you like your hand writing?

Some times it is Pretty but alot of the time it is just silly I write too fast.

73) what are your favorite smells? 

Roses are my top favorite smell. books you know that paper smell, Baking bread, Rain, some cologne named some thing like Burberry I think.

74) What is the last movie you watched?

Well I have been watching many many episodes of Bones 

75) What is your favorite Holiday? 

Christmas! tho I do love dressing up for Halloween 

Very old poems I wrote...

_----

Snow Angel

I met you on a winter’s night

I had left the heavens above

You were sad, crying over some lost love

I floated right pass you

I saw your shinning tears

Then a breeze brought me right back to you

I wanted to make you smile

You looked like an angel sitting there

I knew you were dangerous to one like me

You looked at me

Eyes gleaming in the Streetlight

I floated closer you covered you face

Your skin pale as my gentle lace

I could tell your heart was breaking

I wanted to heal it

Then the Breeze brought me closer

Till I touched your tender cheek

I melted and mingled with your warm tears

You looked to the sky as my siblings began to fall too

All gently covering you and tickling your upturned face

You smiled and the tear I had joined fell to the snow below

There I watched as you began to glow

First your eyes and then your whole face

My life, though short, was complete

You stood and began to spin

And I froze a crystal rose at your feet.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

I got a really good grade on this one when I was in a class my first semester of college.. now it seems silly and like a child's writing.

--------------------------------------

Goodbye

Do you really know?

you say you do

But do you really understand?

I tried to keep it silent

all my feeling for you

you read me like a book and knew

when I thought you had no clue

you don't love me the same

I want to pull away

but still you smile

treat me so sweetly

do you not see

I am falling

falling in love with you

its not some thing I can just let go

you mean more to me than I do to you

but do you understand that?

No, or you would understand

Why now i have to let you go

you say you would not miss me

well I miss you

and there was not even a goodbye

why can't you love me back?

Best of friends thats what we were

thats what I thought we were

but then to you I was just some girl

you were more than just some guy

you were my dream guy so long ago

but now is time for me to say goodbye

it would have been easier if it was you leaving

not me

but thats not how its going to go

you wont say goodbye

like you don't want to hurt me

but I am already hurt

its time to say goodbye 

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

this one was written around the same time. 

---------------------------------------

SUMMER

Summer is said to be a time of freedom

A time of great celebration

where the sun always shines 

and all ages gather for vacations

or get away from the hard work of the year

I beg a differ. I have never found this to be true.

for me it is a time of waiting for the next season to return

a time of work and loneliness

and longing for a new day.

Summer is not a set in stone thing

I have never had so called summer fling

perhaps a spring or fall

summer not at all

so may summer be what it is

a time to wish away

and wait for the fall

__________________________________________________________________________________----

another random one.

another random one.