Remember

Living at home I have way too much time on my hands to think. I often sit and remember all the times I held so dear. I never thought they would come to an end. There was a time when life was never dull. I felt young and free. I remember the way it felt to smile all the time just because some crossed my mind, and the thing is every thing reminded me of him. He was in a simple word some one else said, Jejavu hit me every second and I giggled. I was like a school girl dancing around my doom room as i prepared some simple meal.My eyes had a light I had never seen in my own eyes before. A light of love I had only ever seen in others eyes and thought " no that will never be mine" well it was. And can I just say that my eyes are so beautiful with that light in them. I did not see his flaws no I could not. It is true when they say love makes us blind. I did not mind. Just to talk to him was heavenly. Memories of sitting on the floor in the stairwell giggling at the things he was telling me on the phone after kick outs. wrapping up in blankets and sitting out on the frozen grass staring up at the stars wondering what life would hold for us. Talking of what we wanted out of life. It seemed we could do any thing and every thing was before us.

 I had friends by the many if one was busy I hung out with some others.there was never a dull moment. We went out at night and did not worry about a thing. Laughing as we drove to hang out spots or built bonfires, good clean fun. Us girls talked about guys we liked, or what temples we wanted to marry in. while the guys talked about Trucks and some times us girls as we tossed lil sticks into the fire and made up big plans for up coming dances of dates. Our faces burning from the fire and are butts freezing from the snow.  It was the life! We talked to each other online moments after we had said good bye. With no family around we were each others family. We sat by each other in church we stuck by each other through every thing. Yes we had fights, girls would get prissy about a guy liking her friend better than her, some times the guys said some thing that make a girl freak out and treat him to silence. Just sooner or later laughter filled the air replacing the tension as snow balls flew and shoes slipped on ice.

I remember that before I was fine with this life I am trying to live now. In high school this was me. A good book laying in my lap as the hours crawled by. Dinner time was a highlight in the day because it was some thing to do. Sleep could not come fast enough because I could dream of the lived I read about in books. I was perfectly fine laying out under the stars by my self until I was able to sleep. It was I normal life and I never in my wild dreams that any thing would ever change and deep inside I had came to terms with it so there for I did not mind so much. It was the only life I knew. Now I sit here book in lap, Lap top balancing  on the arm of a couch TV on a Country music channel Multi- tasking as much as I can just to keep my mind off things, to keep me from running. Can never seem to keep my self busy enough to keep me from going crazy.  Being alone almost scares me, food well lets just say that hunger is not there any more. the stars tho seems cheesy to say just don't seem to shine like I remember them shining before. I left that life I lived in high school did not think I would ever return to it or that it would be so hard to return. Seem to be slipping slowly from reality, Caving into a land of memory, Broken dreams haunting me. Dreams hugging me close as I drift into sleep not dreaming of the future really but the Past.