I have. I have felt that to the max twice. the first time was when I left home and went to camp to work. Before I did not think much of my self infact I was a gnat to my self, I was the one who hated my self the most, I never thought I would be good for any thing really. Then at camp I saw I was good with Children. I felt like every Campers Favorite counselor. So many looked up to me, I was funny,out going, sweet, beautiful and loved in their eyes. Infact If you asked one group of girls I had They would have even said I was their Indian Princess and they my warriors . haha I learned to be me.
\ |
| Counselor Bellah In her work clothes Yes yes and Very Blond this one was taken at the end of my first year of camp Lots of sun!!!! |
When I started college I thought I had left the life I had just entered but I was wrong. I was still Bellah from Camp. I realized I had a chance to be who I wanted. Instantly me and my roommate became friends, I started making friends dating and I found out how to be with those my own age. Boys paid attention to me!! I was not a Gnat! I was a butterfly!!! I knew my Beauty.
 |
| I was fun and out going always up for card games. |
 |
| I did things just because I could Like chopping all my hair off |
 |
I dated   I went Dancing I had Friends |
And we had soo much fun
Crazy but fun
For two Years it was like that. I got used to it, it was my life. And then It happened again. I stepped out of that life. I stepped out of that life and back to the old one. I hadd been used to life before I knew the wonders that there was in all those lovely things like dating and having more than one group of friends that I could hang out with at any given moment. And now I realize that the horrible nightmare I called High school was keeping me going all those years. At least when I had to go to school there was the hope of " Oh maybe today some one will Invite me to hang out" or " Perhaps some one will sit on me again" ( yes did happen) or " Maybe today I will finally be seen for who I am" At least there was some thing to life. Some thing more than what I have now. Now I lay in bed most of the day knowing I should go out and find me another job but fearing that because then it links me to this town. This town where I feel so ever trapped already. Knowing that my Family all thinks I am suffering from Depression when I am not. They think this because there is nothing for a young single woman to do in this town other than look up colleges online hoping that in the near future she can leave this town and only come back to visit when missing her family. Hope for her college friends to get on line for one minute so she can talk to them because she misses them like she would miss a hand or leg. Just to see that one of her friends posted some thing on her face book because it tells her that they have not forgotten her. What girl in my place would not do the same thing? Yeah I know that I have kinda gone crazy, I have every outfit for every day planned out for my trip to Snow that I am taking in 31 days. I dream about it every night, Day dream about it all the time. And it is Also another reason I have not tried to get another Job yet. Well there is the whole thing that there is no jobs in Kanab and then there is the fact that I will be taking Almost two weeks off to escape this place and I do not want any reason to rush back here. I want to be free as I can be of this town. 
No comments:
Post a Comment